


the luck you got

by spock



Series: vagrant life verse [2]
Category: Sirens (UK)
Genre: 5 Things, College, Coming Out, Friendship, Gen, High School, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-22
Updated: 2011-11-22
Packaged: 2017-10-26 10:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spock/pseuds/spock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>they say coming out is a lifelong process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the luck you got

**Author's Note:**

> a fill for kinkme_sirens that doubles as an entry for sirens_fic's first times and/or backstories challenge. part of the vagrant life 'verse.
>
>> A five times fanfic about Ashley and coming out.
>> 
>> Maybe two of these five times can be: coming out to Stuart (I would love to read that!) and to Rachid.

The first person Ashley ever came out to was himself.

>   
> _Ashley had always felt a little bit different from his mates..._
> 
> Or that was how it was supposed to go, wasn't it? But, in all actuality, Ashley had always gotten along will with the lads. But, looking back on it, there had been a few clues.
> 
> Like when he'd been six, and his mother had taken him for a walk in the park. They'd passed a bench where two boys had been kissing, and Ashley had asked, "Mum, why are those blokes kissing?"
> 
> And she'd replied, "They're gay, Ashley. That's what gay boys do: kiss other boys."
> 
> Ashley had quite liked the sound of that.
> 
> Or when he was eight, and some of his mates had started wanting to hang around with girls, which had sounded like the most boring thing imaginable to Ashley.
> 
> It'd all finally come together when one night when he was eleven and he'd spent the night at his friend Tommy's house. Tommy had an older brother, Ben, who was seventeen, and Ashley had thought he was just the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth. He also happened to be a 'flaming poof', as Tommy had put it, so Ashley figured the best person to ask about how to know if you were gay was a gay himself.
> 
> So when Tommy had been in the kitchen, bothering his mother to fix them some snacks, Ashley asked Ben how he knew he was gay.
> 
> "Well, I suppose you just always know. When you're gay, boys just seem like the answer to all of life's best questions," he seemed to be considering something for a moment, before a big grin spread over his face and he leaned down to whisper in Ashley's ear, "Plus when you're havin' a wank, you think of blokes."
> 
> Ashley's face heated up, and he knew he just had to be just as Red as his hair. "I think I hear Tommy callin'," he mumbled before racing off into the kitchen to see just what in the hell was taking Tommy so long.
> 
>  _Looks like I'm gay,_ Ashley had thought to himself.

The second person to know Ashley was gay was his mum.

> Knowing you were gay, and actually living gay were to completely separate things, Ashley soon came to discover.
> 
> He was recently fourteen, and had known he was gay for three years now, the lot of good that did him. He wasn't even a _confirmed_ gay - hadn't kissed another bloke or had sex with another bloke, or hell, held hands with one! The closest he had ever come to any of those things was in the privacy of his own mind, late at night in the darkness with his hand wrapped round his prick.
> 
> It wasn't so bad, not really, but then the issue started to press itself.
> 
> Girls had always thought Ashley was pretty - everyone did, really - and Ashley hadn't really cared, because what good was it having girls care about how he looked? But now, girls seemed to think the just because they thought he was pretty, Ashley was supposed to think the same about them.
> 
> He was getting love letters taped to his desk left and right, and none of they were signed by Omar, which is the only person Ashley wanted a love note from.
> 
> His mum had thought him that Jesus had said to _suffer in silence_ or something like that, so he didn't complain about all these girls hassling him, and flat out rejected them before they got any more ideas in their heads.
> 
> It would seem that he hadn't been silent enough, though.
> 
> After the fifth girl had run up to him and giggled out a, ' _Hello, Ashley,_ ' before running off to do fuck-all it is girls do while he and his mum waited in the line for confession, a strange look crossed her face and she said, "Ashley, it looks like there's a few prospective girlfriends in your future."
> 
> Ashley stared up into his mothers face and shakily returned her smile. He knew this day would come, but he's promised that he wouldn't lie to anybody, least of all his mum. He just hadn't expected to have to tell God at the same time he told her.
> 
> "Yeah, um, about that Mum," he stammered out, glad that no one else was in line for the booth. "I think, um. That. Well, I'm more likely to have a boyfriend. If you know what I mean." His voice got quieter and quieter as he spoke, and by the time he was done it was a near whisper.
> 
> "Oh." His mother had said, frowning a bit, and Ashley felt like he was _going to die_.
> 
> "It'll have to be a nice Catholic boy, then. Scottish, too, if you can help it."
> 
> Ashley nodded and said he would keep it in mind.

The third person, or people, really, to find out that Ashley liked other blokes hadn't even been told by Ashley at all. In fact, it had meant to be a hurtful, spite-filled rumor. It just so happened that they were right.

>  **POOF!**
> 
>   
>  There it was, in big, angry letters, scribbled across his locker. Ashley frowned a bit, but didn't let anything else cross his face. The arseholes who did this may still be watching and Ashley didn't want to give them the satisfaction.
> 
> He wasn't out at school, but he was one of the hottest guys at their school, and he's never had a girlfriend. Girls were viscous and boys were jealous and that basically amounted to one thing: gay rumors.
> 
> He'd just turned eighteen and was almost done with upper sixth and he couldn't fucking wait to go off to Uni so he'd never have to see any of these fucks again.
> 
> He'd scrubbed at the marker with his shirt sleeve, smudging it up a bit but there was no way he was going to erase it off that way. He took out his books and then slammed it closed.
> 
> He had a few minutes before the first bell and he was going to spend it in the restroom. He didn't have much friends these days, not after they started being labeled gay just by associating with them. He and Tommy were still best mates, but he went to school on the other side of town, so it wasn't as if they could hang out in between classes or anything.
> 
> Ashley opened the bathroom door and his stomach clenched up in dread. Dan was in there. _Of course Dan is in here_ , Ashley cursed himself, _this was probably all apart of his fucking plan._ Ashley squared his shoulders and made his way further inside.
> 
> He almost made into into a stall when he heard Dan call out, "What no, 'hello', Ash? I'm hurt."
> 
> Ashley turned to face him, trying his best to keep his face blank and his voice even. "Dan." Something about Dan had always put him on edge, even when they were kids. They'd never gotten along, and now Dan was taller and wider than him. Sometimes Ashley would just catch him _staring_ at him, like he was doing now. "Was that it?"
> 
> "No, that wasn't fookin' it," Dan said, getting worked up. He started to make his way towards Ashley. "See, there's all these _rumors_ about you Ash, but apparently nobodies ever said them to your face. So I'm gonna, and don't you even fuckin' think abouts lying to me, yeah? Now, you a fag or what?"
> 
> Ashley stared right into his eyes and said, "Yeah, I like blokes. Why, you interested? Don't see why it should matter if you ain't." That pissed Dan right off, and he charged at Ashley.
> 
> And Ashley. Well, Ashley did what any self-respecting lad would do.
> 
> He'd kicked Dan square in the bollocks and got the fuck out of that bathroom while he was down.
> 
> By lunch period everyone had heard Dan's grand tale of how he'd heard right from Ashley's mouth himself that he was a poof, and how he'd wanted to rough Ashley up, but felt that he shouldn't because Ash was ' _practically a girl, and his mum told him never to hit birds._ '
> 
> He walked with a slight limp that entire day, though, and he never did try to corner Ashley again.

After that, Ashley never really bothered to tell anyone that he was gay. If they knew, they knew and if they didn't, they didn't. He never really hung himself up about it, it hadn't seemed like anyone's business. The only people who needed to know he was gay, he'd already fucked.

But then, he'd met Stuart, who'd somehow endeared himself to Ashley, and so Ashley figured he ought to know about that part of Ashley, even if Ashley didn't want to fuck him. Thus making him the fourth person Ashley came out to.

> They'd been sitting at an all-hours diner at two in the morning, eating breakfast-for-dinner. They'd just gotten off their first double shift, and they were fuckin' beat.
> 
> "Remind me why I chose this career again?" Stuart muttered into his cup of coffee.
> 
> "Because you have a god-complex?"
> 
> "Right, whatever, you think you're so clever just because you're right all the time." Stuart said sullenly, stealing a piece of bacon from Ashley's plate. Scoffing when Ashley tried to steal it back, shoving the other man's hand away.
> 
> "Alright then, Mr. Greenwick, we all know you're the number one Stuart fanboy. Now when are you going to open up to me, ay'? Come now, tell us all your dirty little secrets."
> 
> "I haven't the faintest idea as to what you're talking about, mate."
> 
> "Sure, you do!" Stuart said, waking up a bit. Hassling Ashley always did put him in a good mood. "Out with it then. This is the opportune moment to tell me that you're gay."
> 
> Ashley choked on his orange juice.
> 
> "Oh, was it supposed to be a secret? I've never had anyone come out to me before, so I don't know the S.O.P. Wait, shit, did _you_ not know? God, Ash, please don't tell me you're a late-in-life gay and I've ruined your self journey!"
> 
> "Could you lower your fuckin' voice please, Jesus Christ."
> 
> "Taking the Lord's name in vain, Ash? Really, what would your mother say?"
> 
> "You know, I'm Catholic, too--"
> 
> " **Too?**?" Stuart interrupter, and he was enjoying this _far_ too much, "So that means you are an arse--"
> 
> "Yes. Stuart. Fuck, have you always been this annoying?! Why do you know all these things about me! I hardly see how it's any of your business!"
> 
> "You wound me, Ash. I've been President of the Ashley Greenwick fanclub for months now. Surely you got the memo?"

The fifth, and most recent person Ashley had come out to had been Rachid. Ashley hadn't planned on telling him, but the opportunity arose, and Ashley maybe-sort-of hoped that it might make Rachid stop pestering him so much.

> "I could use a mate like you. Perfect wing man, you'd be, I'm guessin'. You just stand their looking all pretty like, and the birds'll come flockin' your way. Then I's roll up, alls smooth like, and show the ladies what a real, muscle-y time man looks like. And boom! Instant sex. Don't worry though mate, some of them will like your type, all waif-y like, and you can keep 'em alls to yourself! Hows that sound?"
> 
> Ashley stared. "I'm gay."
> 
> "Gay!? I should'a known. You're way too pretty not to like blokes. So what kinda gay are ya'? A lady-gay? Wait, what do you call it? A top or a bottom! Come on, tell me. What sorts of things do yous get up to in that dungeon of yours?"
> 
> "Go away."
> 
> "Aww! Don't be like that! You're even more of a perfect wing man now! The ladies will come to you because you look all sensitive like and then you tells 'em you like dick, and then I'll swoop in and tells 'em--"
> 
> "Stuart! Come take the rookie away before I strangle 'em!"

Ashley hadn't really thought that coming out at this point of his life would be a big deal - he could get married now, for gods sake! - but Rachid thought it was just the coolest fucking thing since sliced bread and it annoyed Ashley to no end.


End file.
